Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Shocker! New Hampshire Primary Won by Tim Tebow!

Tebow Addresses Supporters after his big win

In a shocking turn of events, the New Hampshire primary yesterday was won by Denver Bronco's quarterback Tim Tebow.  This win is especially shocking given that, at the age of 24, Tebow is not even Constitutionally eligible to be President. 

Sources show that Tebow had barely shown up at all in the balloting until the last 15 minutes of voting, when Tebow had an onslaught of write-in ballots that propelled him to victory. 

Later in the evening, Tebow addressed his supporters in front of a SEC backdrop that was clearly intended to drum up support in both South Carolina and Florida (since both the University of South Carolina and University of Florida are SEC teams) and especially pushing hard to win in Florida with the Gators helmet in the stage.

Said Tebow,

"I knew it was a big primary and a big opportunity.  Many people didn't believe that we could win the New Hampshire Primary and I am very thankful for the platform of running for President." 

Later on, Tebow, caught up in the moment, was quoted as saying,

"We're going to New England to play the Patriots!  Then we're going to South Carolina! Then we're going to either Baltimore or Houston!  Then we're going to Florida!  Then we're going to Indiana! Then we're going to Colorado!  And Minnesota!  And Michigan!  Then we're going to the White House!  YEEEAAAAAH!"

The proceeding article is entirely ficticious. Tune in tomorrow for an actual analysis of the New Hampshire Primaries.

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